


can't stop.

by hyukbeans



Category: Kpop - Fandom, VIXX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:45:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6915172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyukbeans/pseuds/hyukbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>hongbin has depression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	can't stop.

genre: tw, au  
tw: suicide mentioning, morbid thoughts, rape. you’ve been warned.  
featured characters: hongbin from vixx.

here we go again.

it was so funny when he cut a slit in his wrist, watching the blood ooze as he laughed away softly, and tears streamed down his eyes. his anxiety has gone to far, hasn’t it? hongbin hasn’t eaten anything for 2 weeks already- not like he’s been keeping track anyway. his blood dripped on the floor, and he laughed softly,”amazing. my blood is so pretty. so pretty, hongbin.” hongbin mumbled and smiled softly, almost a sadistic smile growing on those lips that held sunshine and light in them, just a few years ago.

it all started when he told his friends that he was gay. “so you like guys, hongbin?” “wow, so you’re really gay?” “that’s disgusting, hongbin.” all these horrible things that hongbin was being told everyday by his friends at school and he had the nerve to care about what they were saying. he couldn’t help himself, he liked guys. they were beautiful beings, and he found them more attractive than women.

but this situation gradually moved to a disgusting part of hongbin’s life, where the boys of the school’s football team forced him into the locker rooms, and fucked him there. forced sex, forced blowjobs.

“such a slut,” the football team members growled as they forced hongbin’s head down. that’s all that hongbin could remember them calling him that day. a ‘slut’. he sucked their dicks, yes, but it was all unwillingly. they fucked him, yes, but he didn’t want to be sexually active with them ever, ever again.

when he got home that day, he hid in his room all day, for weeks, and he gradually became more pale than he usually was. everyday he’d go to the gym too, and he’d force himself to work out before school, in which he woke up two hours before he usually wakes up. then he’d drag himself to school, with just a piece of bread to fill himself. maybe.

and that’s when he lost friends, that year of highschool being his junior year. he wanted to drop out, drop out and just starve himself for the whole year. but he couldn’t drop his education, when he had another 4 years at another school that he was recommended to. so he suffered his junior year, with the football players feeling him up during passing periods, and his body not being able to take their fucking anymore, in which he lets them fuck him.

his senior year, he was allowed to graduate early. hongbin took the offer, because school was a hellhole for him, getting fucked after every football game, and getting felt up during passing periods. but once he did graduate early, it killed him inside instead, because his apartment room became a treasure box full of hongbin’s morbid thoughts, and blood.

then, hongbin applied to the college he wanted to go to, made it in, but when he met his dorm roommate, he was homophobic(which hongbin took note of whenever hongbin talked about the people he wanted to ask out) and he moved out. so now, hongbin lived alone in his dorm. he loved it. being empty is better than being full, right?, hongbin thought everyday as he gazed at his wrist with a smile.

his freshman year of college, he began cutting. people were making fun of him again. again, and again. all he did was make out with a boy, and people called him gay again. but he out bursted one day, saying loudly,”alright, i’m gay! so what? what the fuck will you do about it, huh?” no one replied, but they talked behind his back, in which he felt like knives were stabbing into his back repeatedly, restabbing each wound from highschool.

everyday when hongbin came back to his room, he had his blade under his bed and cut slits into his wrist. he laughed away loudly at the oozing of his blood, an amused smile gracing his lips. his phone rang, and he answered it, growling,”who is it?”

it was his sister. “hongbin-ah,” her voice was shaky, and it sounded as if she were crying, or just finished. “a-are you okay? i saw these cuts while you were napping at my place one day, and-” “what the fuck? you looked at my wrist? noona!” hongbin screamed, as he snarled into the phone,”did i tell you to look at my wrists? huh?” he scoffed instead, and hung up, tugging his pants off to cut slits in a new pale area. his thighs.

sophomore year of college, he was brought to a hospital. he lost blood, too much blood. his family was there, and they saw the cuts that went down to his thighs, and his mother was there crying and holding his hand. “h-he has to stop.” his mother worried and cried away as she spoke to the doctor.

as soon as hongbin woke up, he noticed he was in a hospital. his hand was between two wrinkly ones, as he glanced up at his mother who was still crying. “umma?” he said weakly as his mother looked up, and asked him,”w-why are you cutting? is there something h-happening? are people teasing y-you?”

hongbin’s heart broke, as he tried to tell her, but his heart dropped instead as he mumbled,”i’m gay, umma. remember?” he watched his family walk in again, and he saw his cousins who asked him the same question of,”why are you cutting?”

once his whole family was there, he managed to tell the whole story, causing him to sob and break down into his hands. the doctor recommended going to a mental hospital, but hongbin shook his head and he said that he’d flush his blades down the toilet. he was soon left alone with the doctor, in which he was explained that he had anorexia, social anxiety and depression, so he’d be given medication, and he’d assign a therapist to him.

the following year of college, his junior year, he began dating.

his boyfriend was named han sanghyuk, and to hongbin, he was the best person hongbin has ever met. he couldn’t believe someone actually liked him as much as he liked the person back. he didn’t regret saying no to sanghyuk though, it’s amazing being with him. everyday, his smiles were so real, and so warm and fond, because of sanghyuk. the months they’ve been dating, he realized he had a beautiful smile when it was warm and full of sunlight again.

sanghyuk and hongbin would talk all the time while they cuddled in hongbin’s bed(which was their bed now since sanghyuk moved in), and laughed whenever they did something stupid. but one day, sanghyuk caught the scars on his wrists, still slightly evident from last year.

“what’s this, babe?” sanghyuk asked and held his wrists, kissing them gently as hongbin looked away and mumbled,”n-nothing, don’t worry about it.” sanghyuk couldn’t let this slide. “babe, tell me,” he leaned forward to kiss hongbin’s lips softly, mumbling as he looked up at him. “please?” hongbin let out a shaky sigh, as he mumbled,”promise you won’t freak out?”

sanghyuk kissed his boyfriend once again, and let it linger, before pulling away and smiling at him. “never will i judge for anything, my beautiful bean.” hongbin smiled, and began to tell his story, his long, painful story in which the two hugged and kissed away after the long tale.

“i’m so sorry about all the things that happened to you, baby,” sanghyuk said as he held hongbin’s waist, kissing away again slowly as hongbin shook his head. “i-it’s fine, i’m over it. just a little of it- it’s still scary.” hongbin replied, and kissed back, rubbing away at sanghyuk’s scalp.

the session gradually moved to something more than a kiss, sanghyuk’s hands going to hongbin’s butt and squeezing away as hongbin squeaked and pulled away shyly. “h-hyukkie,” hongbin felt his face burn as sanghyuk mumbled,”we don’t need to do this if you don’t want to, baby.”

hongbin took a deep breath, and shook his head. “we’ll do it, i-i’m not scared.” he then crawled on top of sanghyuk and grinded away slowly, feeling his boyfriend’s clothed length grow hard under his flimsy pajama pants. “a-ah,” hongbin moaned as sanghyuk’s hands moved back to hongbin’s butt, squeezing away more harder than before.

“show me your butt, babe.” sanghyuk groaned and sat up to kiss away at hongbin’s lips, before watching him move away and tug his bottoms off, revealing his pale cheeks as he crawled onto his fours on his bed. “h-have you done this before, hyukkie?” hongbin asked as he clutched at the sheets, biting down on his lip nervously as he glanced behind at him shyly. “i’ve done it, don’t worry.”

he heard a pop of a cap, and he looked back again to see sanghyuk lathering up his fingers with some kind of liquid. a soft whimper left him, before he gasped and clutched at the sheets tightly at the sudden intrusion to his entrance. “h-hyukkie, wait, it hurts a little.” sanghyuk hummed softly in approval before kissing hongbin’s cheek(both of them), and waited patiently.

hongbin’s mind tried not to drift off to the memories of him being choked onto an unwanted dick, but he let it float away as he told sanghyuk to move his finger. the finger slowly thrusted away, twisting and curling in occasionally as hongbin let out soft mewls and whimpers. “i-it’s so good, hyukkie-” hongbin blubbered in pleasure, before whimpering at the second finger and at the sudden stretch. “oh fuck, s-sanghyuk,” sanghyuk bent over to kiss his lips softly, mumbling,”sorry i didn’t warn you, i’m getting impatient, baby.”

his face flushed as he kissed back and replied,”i-it’s okay, it’s okay. just go slow, okay?” hongbin bit his lip as sanghyuk began to thrust his finger in again, slowly scissoring hongbin’s entrance. low grunts left sanghyuk as he thrusted away, tugging his pants and boxers down to hook them under his balls with a grunt, adding another finger again as he mumbled,”can i go a little faster, baby?” hongbin was mewling and sticking his butt out as he nodded weakly as sanghyuk began to slam his fingers in with a low grunt.

loud cries of pleasure left hongbin as he arched his back, blubbering softly,”oh god, fuck sanghyuk,” sanghyuk groaned and pulled his fingers out before lubing his length up and saying softly,”lay in bed, baby, spread your legs wide for me, okay?” sanghyuk spoke in a soothing tone as hongbin obediently opened his legs and bit his lip. his boyfriend’s hands slid up his shirt to hold his hips as he slowly pushed in with a soft groan.

gasping softly, hongbin’s eyes fluttered shut as he glanced up at sanghyuk with a look that showed approval. he nodded in response before beginning to thrust away as hongbin slid his hand down to pump away slowly, only to be accompanied by his boyfriend’s larger hand as he pumped away. “s-sanghyuk,” hongbin mewled and spread his legs wider with another mewl, biting down on his lip again before he whimpered at the pace picking up.

hongbin’s face was a crimson red as sanghyuk’s free fingers slid up to tweak at hongbin’s nubs, causing him to moan away louder. the thrusts got more harsher as sanghyuk touched his boyfriend, pounding away harshly as hongbin blubbered in pleasure at a familiar area being hit. “oh my god, h-han sanghyuk, fuck me there, fuck me right there, fuck-”

pounding away roughly, the two soon reached their highs, and released together, causing hongbin’s shirt to be tossed onto the floor and sanghyuk’s shirt being tossed away as well.

after that session, hongbin knew that he wasn’t afraid anymore. he wasn’t afraid of being gay. he was proud to be what he wanted to be, without anyone telling him it was wrong.

 

note: lol, i really hope that this is okay. this is like my first one, and i want to post more. this is like the first long thing i've ever typed (not really, but this has a lot of.... stuff in it.). so, yeah i hope this was ok. thanks!


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